


Dinner

by Remy_Toast



Category: Ratatouille
Genre: Other, Yum, absolute masterpiece as you can tell, also remy's dad is a savage, dinnerrrr, lol, ngl colette has good hair, remy inside linguini lmao, remy is god, vore probably, yoooo second chapter is weird, yummy sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:34:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remy_Toast/pseuds/Remy_Toast
Summary: Remy and Linguini go on a dinner date, and things get pretty heated between the two.All hail Remy, our rat god <3
Relationships: Alfredo Linguini/Remy
Comments: 12
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

Remy and Linguini were on a date. A very fancy date, all with candles and very fancy bullshit. Like roses. And other shit that smelt nice. 

"You smell very nice," Remy squeaked, and Linguini turned pink. Sure, he had no idea what his little rat friend (but they could be more...) was saying; he was just glad their budding romance was finally getting a chance to bloom. 

He picked up the full wine glass that Remy had picked for their date and swirled it around, flicking his wrist just so Remy could imagine him stroking him up and down like that. He too felt the urge to flush, but he was a rat so it didn't happen. 

"Thanks for arranging this," said Linguini, his hazel eyes catching in the candlelight (Remy positively swooned) and the rat nodded. He had closed their little restaurant early and made them dinner - Ratatouille, of course, because how could he not? And Linguini had asked if he wanted to stay and... dine. Both of them knew it was more than that.

The man had been sad ever since Colette had ditched him and ran off with Remy's father, saying he just wasn't her type. Turns out she was rodent-sexual all along. Remy hoped Linguini was too (yum).

"Y'know, it really makes the story she told me about her pet gerbil when she was a kid make more sense," Linguini had chuckled, and Remy's eyes widened. 

Suddenly, a very tiny fork appeared in front of him full of food, and on reflex Remy jumped forward to swallow it down. 

Linguini smiled warmly. "Good, Remy?"

He squeaked for affirmative, and unable to stand the pressure anymore Linguini suddenly darted over the table to press his big, plush human lips to Remy's small rat ones (yes rats have lips, shut up.)

"Ohh, Remy, you taste so good," he mumbled through the embrace. 

And then, he swallowed him whole, and Remy had sex with Linguini's internal organs, and I think describing just how his tiny rat cock wrapped around Linguini's liver and killed him instantly (as if you'd be entirely alive while a rat burrowed inside your internal organs) but it didn't deter Remy might be a little too much even for this website xx :)


	2. Lmao Remy wut r u doinnggg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Colette and Remy's dad swing around

Colette knocked on the door, and after a few moments there was a scurrying sound down the stairs and Remy swung it open, and beamed as he caught sight of his friend.

He jumped up very high (like, a few feet probably because he's a rat) to land on her shoulder, and petted her neck. He squeaked in congratulations, pointing at her distended stomach. 

Yes. Colette was a few months along, and she told him so, Remy's father scurrying out of the car and stretching his paws. He had been pressing all the floor pedals while Colette handled the steering wheel. 

He squeaked a load, and Colette knew he was asking how far along she was. 

"Four months," she said, beaming. Behind him Remy's father came along and shook hands with his son. 

"Look at this bitch," he squeaked deeply. "I got 'er up the duff and I'm a fuckin' rat, eh? Look how good I done. What about that Linguini fella you got?"  
Remy frowned, withdrawing his paw (hand? I don't know the fucking anatomy of a rat). "Linguini's a man. I can't get him pregnant. And anyway, don't you think that's a little misogynistic of you-" 

He waved him off, and Remy twitched a whisker in annoyance. "Eh, m'sure it's fine, y'know?"

Colette clapped her hands happily. "Oh, look at you two getting along so well. Now then, where is Linguini?"

Remy froze. Oh _no._

So... here was the thing. He had, uh, accidentally murdered Linguini on their last date, when he got a little carried away during the sex. Oops. 

And so, like any rat who had accidentally committed murder, he stashed Linguini's body in their large fridge in the basement. 

He just had to keep them away from there. Easy. Simple. Apart from the second Colette clapped her hands together again, sharper, this time, and demanded, "I heard you redecorated. We _must_ see the basement."

Remy gulped. 

They all clattered downstairs, Remy unable to stop a human and his much larger family. 

The basement was rather nice; him and Linguini had designed it together, adding in warm blues to contrast the light tiling to make it all much cleaner-looking and to create a neat vibe for Remy's cooking endeavours. Linguini helped too, sometimes.

A tear welled up in his eye at the mention of his dead lover (stashed in the freezer downstairs), and he brushed it away without equating any odd looks from his companions. 

"Ah, it is beautiful!" Colette announced, as was her manner. Purple hair brushed her shoulders. 

His father walked around, scrubbing his hands together. "It's nice, Remy, I'll give ya that."

"Oh, and is zis a freezer? What do you have in here-" her laughter quickly turned to abject horror and screaming as a dead Linguini fell out, limbs speckled with frost and mellow purple. 

Behind them, a door locked. Remy lifted his hands away from the deadbolt, and squeaked at his father and his lover. 

"I'm- I'm sorry, I have to do this-"  
" _No! No, you can't do zis, I'm calling ze police-_ "

"Son, you got de wrong idea, I didn't mean anything by my, uh, earlier remarks-"

Remy approached with a broken pool ladder, his epic strength aiding him to wield the ginormous metal structure, and Colette collapsed against the fridge in a dead faint.

* * *

Ahaha, I do be leaving u guys with a cliffhanger ;)


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